I want to share with my readers/followers/bloggers, the joy and pain I have recently experienced. This is no extraordinary story; this is a personal story and journey. This is the journey of The Confirmation of my miscarriage.
On Wednesday April 11th, 2012 I made the announcement at work that I was pregnant. One of my co-workers and I came up with a pretty creative way to make the announcement at our monthly potluck. The joy and relief for everyone to know was amazing. However, by the end of the work day, I was so mentally exhausted I was ready to go home. What was in store for me still shakes me. I post on facebook a picture that I took of the onesie I bought my mom for her birthday (which happened to fall on Easter this year). That night, I had an unsettling feeling, something was not right.
Thursday April 12th, 2012, my mom drove me to the doctor's office where I met with Jason. We did a walk in appointment due to the fear of having miscarried. The thirty minute wait seemed like hours, seconds felt like minutes. The ultrasound confirmed the haunting news, there was no heartbeat. At some point between week six and week ten of my pregnancy the baby stopped growing. Jason and I were looking forward to April 13th (my birthday) and hearing our precious babies heartbeat and to see the progress in growth.
My reaction, I wept. The doctor informed us that about 25% of first pregnancy end up being miscarriages. A flood of questions filled my head. Did I do something wrong during the pregnancy? Was our baby a boy or a girl? How can I love something so much that I never met? My phone kept notifying me of everyone congratulating us on the news of the baby. The pain to quickly change my status and notify everyone that our baby is with God pierced my heart.
At some point, I felt a peace in my heart. I cannot tell you when it occurred. But I can tell you this, Satan has several times tried to remove the peace God has placed in my heart. I know, deep in my heart, that my beautiful, wonderful, nurturing grandmother is holding our precious baby in Heaven. I know that our precious baby feels no pain, no sorrow, but knows the joy of sitting on Jesus' lap. I know that I will one day meet our baby, name our baby, and hold our baby. I know that one day I will be able to see and learn every feature of our baby (hair color, eye color, skin tone, personality, and heart).
The days that follow were probably the hardest physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Jason and I have clung to God and the fact that He has a purpose and plan for us. I am at peace with what has happened to us. My hope is that everyone can find the peace in their soul as I have found. God is the ultimate Giver of Life, the Great Physician, and the Healer. These are things that I know because I know God's love for me, my husband, my family, and our baby. If you do not know the love of God and the sacrifice He has given, please continue to read.
God has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11). God loves you, created you, knows your heart, your pain, and your joy. God sent His son to die on a cross to wipe away your sin (John 3:16). HE wants a relationship with you. The amazing and simple thing that you can do is accept God in your life, your heart, and His forgiveness. Make the confirmation to know God and know your destiny to Heaven by accepting and putting your faith in Him.
With much love, I pray for your soul, your pain, and your healing. God has blessed me far beyond words with amazing family & friends. To hear the encouragement, to feel the flood of prayers, and to know the comfort of love surrounding Jason and I is overwhelming. For those who have lifted us in prayers....THANK YOU.
