Born for This

A new beginning.  That is how I wish to express the changes I have made in my life.  A fresh perspective, a different outlook, and healthier journey.  My blogs have always been a message of hope, love, personal experiences, and encouragement.  If my blogs have not been that to you, then understand my deepest sympathies. 

The new journey that I am taking is meant to challenge myself but one meant for growth.  I do believe that with changes in life comes growth.  I have deactivated my facebook account in hopes to grow with Christ more.  I have become consumed with spending an abundance of time on facebook and hear the "talk of the town" gossip.  I have replaced part of my life with God with facebook.  My hope is that this change will only be for a period of time.

I need to stand up for my morals and values.  My focus needs to change from pain/hurt/sorrow to that of praise for God and rejoicing.  I am refusing to let Satan utilize tools meant to help us, hurt me.  I am be alone in the change, I am stand with no support.  But I know that my decision to step out of situations and to take a higher road is what God wants me to do.

Mandisa has song out that reflects the story of Esther.  Esther was a women who in the face of challenge chose to "stand apart from the crowd".  She had to make a decision, save her family or let them die.  This story in the Bible does not end in tragedy, her family lived.  The song goes as this:

"There's a time to hold your tongue, time to keep your head down, there's a time but it's not now.  Sometimes you gotta go uninvited, Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor, Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says no way, no not today.  You gotta ask, if you want an answer, Sometimes you gotta stand, apart from the crowd, Long before you heart could run the risk, you were born for this."

I know that you may not fully understand my decision, my reasoning, or my thoughts.  But my time is NOW.  God is calling me to stand up for my morals and values NOW.  What are you going to stand for?  When God calls me home to be with Him, I will gladly say that I did my best and followed His will.  My question to you: What are you born for?

Dear Heavenly Father, I know the plans that you have for me are not to harm me.  Please Lord help me to find peace in the decisions You have called me to make.  I pray that through this journey You are leading me on, I can do Your will.  I pray Lord for those who support me or question me.  Thank you for Your love and support.  In Jesus' Name, AMEN.

The Story Continues

It's been over a month since I blogged about a tragic end to a beautiful story Jason and I were writing.  I should rephrase that.  It has been over a month since I blogged about God demonstrating His glory, love, mercy, grace, and strength to Jason and I.  To be honest, I wasn't all that sure on how to cope with hearing that we lost our baby last month.  Well today, I still am unsure how to cope with the pain.

God has been apart of my life since I was born.  I formally accepted His grace and gift of eternal life on April 9th, 1994. Over the past month or so, God has really been present in my life in a variety of ways.  While it is devastating (and that word is not used lightly) to have a miscarriage, strength has come out of my moments of weakness. 

Mother's Day was just a few Sunday's ago and it was a challenge for me to overcome (I'm not even sure if I have overcome it fully).  I remember going to church, sitting by Jason, and almost bracing myself.  The pastor asked all the mother's to stand to recognize them, I sat and cried.  I cried because the joy of motherhood was prematurely removed from me.  When I was able to gather myself, the offering prayer was offered to God.  At that point, I could not stop the tears from flowing.  My heart was breaking, knowing that this was the first year I could celebrate Mother's Day with a baby growing inside of me.  Instead, I mourned the miscarriage I had and clung to the thought that my baby was with God.   

A co-worker told me the following day that I AM a mother, my child is just not with me.  God blessed my husband and I with a baby for a brief time period.  Even though I continue to mourn the loss of someone I never met, God has provided me with the strength to push forward.  I am reminded of the song by Mathew West called Strong Enough.  The lyrics stated, "You must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through."  Reality is, God is the source of strength and mercy.

Philippians 4:13, "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." (NLT)

Dear Lord, I know that You are the source of strength in life.  I pray that through the valleys I remember to seek our Your strength to help me surpass the trying times.  Please help me to take down my armor and equip myself with Your's.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Enduring Growth

     Since I have written my last post, there has been a lot of enduring challenges/trials in my life.  Many people would consider having a miscarriage a major challenge.  I would more than agree with them.  However, it feels as though God has truly been pouring His strength in my life due to the troubles I have endured in addition to the miscarriage. 

      Throughout the last year, I have learned to place boundaries in  relationships; whether it is a friendship, marriage, or even a family member.  Relationships are not easy to maintain and require work from both ends.  However, I know that in order for my relationship with Christ to grow and prosper, I need to be devoted to Him.  When boundaries are crossed in relationships, Satan has a chance to begin to work. 

      James, Jesus' brother, tends to focus more on ethics in his writings.  Wondering how ethics and relationships go hand in hand?  Here's the answer: ethics can best be defined as a set of moral principles.  Relationships are in essence a system that requires moral principles to be healthy.  Once the morals/values in the relationship are faltered, the foundation of the relationship is compromised. 

       Looking particularly at James 1:2-4, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

        When I first read this scripture, I was humbled.  When someone that you have a relationship with (significant other, sister/brother, mother/father, best friend, etc) challenges/tries your relationship, this is an opportunity to grow.   This can be applied in many different circumstances as well: marriage, miscarriages, loss/grief, work/school, etc.   

        Please do not miss this next point though.  When you have a chance to grow, you have a chance to show as well.  What I mean is this, when you grow in Christ, you can show Christ to others in the growth. We can learn to build each other up, or tear each other down when we are enduring a trail.  Remember though, that God calls us to help each other, love each other, and forgive each other. 

Dear Heavenly Father, I seek Your will for my life.  I ask Lord, that through this trial, this challenge, this heartache, I can be an example to others.  I pray Lord that my actions and words are a reflection of You. In Your Precious Son's Name, Amen.