Seeking Healing...

I want to share with you all what God has been doing in my life.   Over the last few weeks God has begun to humble me.   It is truly amazing how God can use a tragedy to ground you in your faith more.  To catch up some of my readers, or those new to this blog: Jason and I unfortunately lost our first child 10 weeks into the pregnancy.  When we were told about our miscarriage, the statistics were not comforting.  Even though 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, the pain and hurt felt was not erased.

 

One day last week, the armor of strength I attempted to carry for myself crumbled.  See, I decided soon after the miscarriage that I was going to have to be strong.  I did not, however, decide to fully lay down my burdens, my pain, my heartache at God's feet.  The armor that was suppose to strengthen me, only weighed me down throughout the past months.  To be cliche, the straw that broke the camel's back happened this past Thursday. 

 

As I e-mailed a co-worker earlier this week, I mentioned how I am still grieving the loss of my child.  She quietly mentioned that I'm probably not only grieving, but I also dealing with a hole in my heart and soul.  That was my (as Oprah would say) "Ah Ha!" moment.  While I have been laying down my pain to God and asking for His healing, I've not once mentioned asking Him to make my heart and soul whole again in Him. 

 

I decided to seek out God's healing through scripture and here is what I found:

 

"O LORD, don't rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage. Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.  I am sick at heart.  How long, O LORD, until you restore me? --- I am worn out from sobbing.  All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.  My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies."  (Psalm 6:1-4, 6-7)

 

Until we fully recognize that we need God in ALL of our grief, joy, and the in-between moments...we will not be full.  I realized that trying to prove to myself that I am strong enough was not going to work anymore.  I need, every day, for God's healing in my heart and my soul.  I know that HE is the only one that can provide such relief.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, You are the Great Physician.  You know my pain, my heartache, my needs.  I pray for healing and comfort.  May I grow everyday and learn Your will for my life.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.